Being a Middle Child

Being a middle child and a second daughter is no light task. In fact, it requires skill and aptitude beyond what most adults can imagine! My job is composed of several different elements.

First of all, I’m the chief complainer in my family. In most families, the youngest or the oldest boy is the champion whiner. Not in our family. I take it upon myself to point out and expound every problem in our family, our house, and our home. For example: Mom! Our schedule gives me three minutes to do algebra! (Actually a perfectly relevant point!) Another example: Dad! The toilet’s overflowing! Again!! (Also a perfectly relevant point…) and my last example: Mom! He’s picking his nose again! (Ugh!) Those are just a few of the daily objects the chief complainer absolutely must whine about on a regular basis.

Along with being chief complainer in our family, I am also resident cynic. This job includes being serious for most of the time, and interjecting my down-to-earth, sometimes dark views for the exasperation of the rest of my family. It works amazing well for most issues that come up.
My trustworthy workplace motto is: “No one should be too euphoric for too long.” Being resident cynic will also improve your reflexes, as the not-so-lovely truth will tend to make people less charitable toward your person.

While being resident cynic has its ups and downs, it has nothing on being the family cultural consultant. This job description is comprised of knowing every song played on the radio today on every station, having a perfectly dizzying mental rolodex of the lyrics to nearly every song, and keeping up on the latest movies, TV shows, magazines, books and bands.
But along with being well-versed in media of all types, it is useful to have a working knowledge of nearly every automobile on the roads today. It is always nice to know the difference between a Cobra, a Viper, and a Cayman—the first is made by Ford, the second by Dodge, and the last by Porsche. And it’s also helpful to know how Porsche is pronounced! Vehicle knowledge is an important element if you wish to become a private cultural consultant.
And last but not least, it is helpful to be fluent in every sort of wholesome slang in today’s world. For example: the word “shorty” and the word “emo.” “Shorty” is a term of endearment given by the hip-hop crowd to girlfriends, and “emo” is a description of a musical or personal style in which emotion is used excessively. Knowing many internet terms is an optional benefit to knowing large amounts of slang.

And lastly, I am acknowledged as the wordsmith in our family. My use of words will probably never cease to startle, amuse and enlighten my family. One of my favorite words is “maligned.” As in, “Ooh! An insult! I’ve been maligned! I’ll never speak to you again!” If that sounds familiar to you, it probably is. Yes, it is true: I get a lot of my vocabulary from Calvin and Hobbes. Also, as my family will attest, I will read the dictionary for no apparent reason. The fact that I rarely speak around people is simply a mask for the fact that my sisters cannot get me to be quiet. Being a wordsmith is not a particularly demanding job, but it is one of the most enjoyable components of being a middle child in our family.

To summarize, that is a little about what it takes to be a middle child. Contrary to popular belief, middle children are not less unique than oldest or youngest children. If anything, they are forced to maintain a more unique outlook on life because of their position in the family.
While there is nothing wrong with being a first or youngest child, being a middle has many perks. Although the pay is not particularly good.